How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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