Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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