she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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