i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
