i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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