Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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