THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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