That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
