guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
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med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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