if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
