My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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