I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
