I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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