no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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