Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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