one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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