you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
