I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
