Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
