Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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