If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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