so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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