You're my little dorito
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
