i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
