I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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