Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
