Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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