Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
