dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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