OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
