The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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