Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
