I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
