im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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