If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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