Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize