the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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