1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize