There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
