She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
