If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
