My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
