bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
