On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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