Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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