i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
NoShamevember. You game?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
