you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
