if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
