She's JV to your varsity
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
