I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
