Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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