Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
