do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just want to make out with him forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
