Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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