I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
