Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize