How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
