My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
