U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize