How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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