i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
